Liberal or Conservative

I just discovered I’m a conservative. I’m in denial.

A friend “liked” an article entitled, “Liberals Will Hate This Famous Hollywood Actor’s Response to the Redskins’ Name.” I don’t usually read this stuff. I care what a famous Hollywood actor thinks about as much as I care about the latest poll of Americans. I guess I was in the mood to hate, so I read it.

“I have trouble getting excited about the names of teams that mash each others’ heads into such mush they get woozy and die early,” says Virginia.

That’s pretty much my thinking, too. I say let the free market determine whether bullfighting thrives. I had no idea that made me a conservative.

I got to thinking.

If I have a rifle and a shotgun, am I a conservative even if I sneak out the nearest door when someone sits at the next table wearing an AK-47?

I can live with Roe v. Wade. It irks me when a so-called right-to-lifer ignores “collateral damage” in Afghanistan, Iraq or Syria. In fact, I don’t quite get how some intra-uterine being has more rights than a soldier on the other side. Does “just war” theory apply to incest or rape? Now tell me, am I conservative or liberal?

Something else that flusters me is gay marriage. I was a liberal on gay marriage 30 years ago. Now that it’s okay in more than half the States, am I a conservative?

I’ve got King James, Revised Standard, New Oxford, Good News and almost bought J.B. Phillips. Does that make me liberal?

We grow most of the food we eat. Sounds like we’re survivalists. Is that liberal or conservative?

Consider the economy. The conservative President Obama, continuing the philosophy of President Bush (don’t forget Bush’s liberal support of aid to AIDS efforts in Africa), supported the Wall Street bailout (socialism at its finest) and the Fed’s continuing low interest rates that warm the hearts of bankers everywhere. I say the Fed should have distributed several thousand dollars to each American and less to the big guys (although they’re Americans, too, says the Supreme Court).

So if Obama is conservative I must be liberal.

I’ve got a split personality. Gosh, what am I?